To Die is Gain

It is late and it is quiet. Reflection has set in. How has this day been? How have I spent it? For whom have I spent it? What kind of choices--big or small--did I make? Why did I make them? Why do I do what I do?

In the context of my life as a wife and a mother, there are many times when I truly can say that there is a sense of "suffering." Usually this kind of "suffering" comes in the form of "dying-to- self"--the relinquishing of personal time, energy, desires, dreams, etc. (most of which may even be "good")--to fulfill my ministry to my husband and my children. As I hope to build a Godly home, I understand that it is a tremendous resposibility with a great reward. As I invest time and energy, I must wait for His work to be done in their lives. Romans 8:25 is so sweet to me, "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perserverance." The vision of my husband being all he can be for the Lord and my children loving Christ and serving Him is my hope and my reward!

Even with this understanding of my calling and the vision I have for my family, I struggle with getting so easily entangled by the things of this world. Often, I listen to its voices telling me who I should be, how I should spend my time, where I should expend my energy, what my desires should be, and what I should dream. Its message is loud and clear"cling-to-self."

So, as I reflect on my day, what I see clearly is that I NEED GRACE to once again fix my eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I NEED GRACE to not get bogged down by the temporal, but to see the eternal and all its glory. I NEED GRACE to count it all joy when I fall into various trials...the "dying-to-self" moments.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. --Philippians 1:21

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. --John 12:24