To Die is Gain

It is late and it is quiet. Reflection has set in. How has this day been? How have I spent it? For whom have I spent it? What kind of choices--big or small--did I make? Why did I make them? Why do I do what I do?

In the context of my life as a wife and a mother, there are many times when I truly can say that there is a sense of "suffering." Usually this kind of "suffering" comes in the form of "dying-to- self"--the relinquishing of personal time, energy, desires, dreams, etc. (most of which may even be "good")--to fulfill my ministry to my husband and my children. As I hope to build a Godly home, I understand that it is a tremendous resposibility with a great reward. As I invest time and energy, I must wait for His work to be done in their lives. Romans 8:25 is so sweet to me, "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perserverance." The vision of my husband being all he can be for the Lord and my children loving Christ and serving Him is my hope and my reward!

Even with this understanding of my calling and the vision I have for my family, I struggle with getting so easily entangled by the things of this world. Often, I listen to its voices telling me who I should be, how I should spend my time, where I should expend my energy, what my desires should be, and what I should dream. Its message is loud and clear"cling-to-self."

So, as I reflect on my day, what I see clearly is that I NEED GRACE to once again fix my eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I NEED GRACE to not get bogged down by the temporal, but to see the eternal and all its glory. I NEED GRACE to count it all joy when I fall into various trials...the "dying-to-self" moments.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. --Philippians 1:21

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. --John 12:24

Begin

"Then he said, "Who shall begin the battle?" And he answered, "You."

1 Kings 20:14

"Arise and begin working, and the Lord be with you."

1 Chronicles 22:16

We started school last week. It's the 10th year that late August arrived in our home and we started schooling, at least in a formal reading, writing and 'rithmetic kind of way. Ten years. A decade. That seems like a long time. And yet, a blink of the eye.

I remember that first year like a slow motion film in Technicolor. I was pregnant, and it seemed, about to get more pregnant, if such a thing were possible, when in mid-September we found out it was not one baby but two. I was so tired that fall. I would hold our not-quite-two-year-old by the ankle during naptime as she would squirm and I just needed to keep her on the bed so I could sleep. For. A. Moment. But my almost 5 year old wanted to read and that's what almost 5 year olds in Connecticut did- go to school. So, with the 3 year old little boy and the not-quite-two-year-old little girl, we went to school. At the dining room table and on the couch and laying on the beds and picnicing in the park and picking apples and collecting leaves and even through winter's first snow.

We moved to the Pacific Northwest that winter, and our new house had a schoolroom. Other people might call it the basement, but it was our schoolroom. It rained and rained and rained and we had two new babies join our classroom. And still, we schooled. We schooled at the Little Tykes picnic table in our schoolroom and on the couch while feeding babies and at the shore while waiting for a submarine to float by so we could wave at our dad.

I figured what we began we just might as well keep doing.

And so we did.

And so we have.

Now I know some of you are starting school now. With little ones in arm and little ones under foot. With husbands that are away. With uncertain schedules and visitors coming and going. With family that isn't quite sure what you are doing. With personal doubt and uncertainty.

You want school to look right and things to be in order and plans in place and...

Just begin.
Pray and commit it all to Him, for His glory, with His help, by His grace.

And begin.

Only grace

In Instructing a Child's Heart, Tedd and Margy Tripp remind us that "sin cannot be remedied by 'getting one's act together.' Only grace can bring radical heart transformation."

"Our children's needs are the same as our needs. We need the heart transplant surgery that is promised in the grace of the new covenant, 'I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols' (Ezek. 36:25). Our impure thoughts and motives show how profoundly we need cleansing.

Verse 26 continues, 'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.' What does this mean? Grace brings radical internal change. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Both our children and we need change that is radical and thorough. When a child has gained renewed interest in a toy simply because a brother would like it, that child is exhibiting a stony heart. That hardness of heart will not be melted through anything other than grace. Manipulation of behavior through rewards or punishments will never touch the stony heart. Only grace can change the heart. What encouragement! The very thing that we need is the focal point of God's work."

The Tripps go on to remind us that God also has promised the Holy Spirit to empower us (Ezek. 36:27), for though "we know what we ought to do, we cannot do it apart from grace. We have the assurance that God's grace empowers us."

What a comfort- that we know forgiveness and cleansing and change and empowerment as children of God, and as the earthly parents of these children of God!

Qualifying Our Successors

Our influence upon the young is an exceedingly important part of our witness for Jesus Christ. In fact, God has assigned us a double duty to perform while we remain here. First, to use the world well, while we continue in it; and secondly, to prepare a generation to receive the trust when we shall pass away from the scene. We are not only to occupy well ourselves, but to train up and qualify our successors. -- Jacob Abbott, Training Children in Godliness

Dance of Youth by Pablo Picasso

Arise and tell

Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.
Psalm 78:3-7

Arise and tell.

I didn't come from a family where my father told me, but I seek to be the generation that sings the praises of the Lord to the generation to come. I can so very clearly see and tell of His strength and His wondrous work in my life, in the life of our family. The testimony of Jacob is our family's testimony as well.

But even more than arising and telling my children to put their confidence in God, to not forget His works, to keep His commandments, I desire to show them. The Gospel is meant to be lived out. In Instructing a Child's Heart, Tedd and Margy Tripp write, our children "will believe that Christian faith is the genuine article if we know God- not just know about God."

Arise and tell. And know God.

Running Interference

(note: this has nothing, well, little, to do with sowing seeds of great faith. It just made me smile, and made me thankful for the opportunity to keep interfering in the education of my kids...)

from To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee-

I suppose she chose me because she knew my name; as I read the alphabet a faint line appeared between her eyebrows, and after making me read most of My First Reader and the stock-market quotations from The Mobile Register aloud, she discovered that I was literate and looked at me with more than faint distaste. Miss Caroline told me to tell my father not to teach me any more, it would interfere with my reading.

"Teach me?" I said in surprise. "He hasn't taught me anything, Miss Caroline. Atticus ain't got time to teach me anything," I added, when Miss Caroline smiled and shook her head. "Why, he's so tired at night he just sits in the livingroom and reads."

"If he didn't teach you, who did?" Miss Caroline asked good-naturedly. "Somebody did. You weren't born reading The Mobile Register."

"Jem says I was. He read in a book where I was a Bullfinch instead of a Finch. Jem says my name's really Jean Louise Bullfinch, that I got swapped when I was born and I'm really a ---"

Miss Caroline apparently thought I was lying. "Let's not let our imaginations run away with us, dear," she said. "Now you tell your father not to teach you any more. It's best to begin reading with a fresh mind. You tell him I'll take over from here and try to undo the damage ---"

"Ma'am?"

"Your father does not know how to teach. You can have a seat now."

Destinies of Immortal Souls

Parents! You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls!

What we want to do with our children, is not merely to control them and keep them in order—but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle of life. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior—is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws; and the parents' lives are of more significance than their teachings. Whatever may be done in the way of governing, teaching or training—theories are not half as important as the parents' lives. They may teach the most beautiful things—but if the child does not see these things modeled in the life of the parent—he will not consider them important enough to be adopted in his own life.

This quote taken from a sermon by J.R. Miller (1882), Home-Making, has once again challenged me to examine myself. How often I forget that who I am before my children is really what they learn. As Mr. Miller reminds me, I don't want to just teach my children beautiful things, I want to be those things for them. I want to be accutely aware of what I am communicating to them through my character -- is who I am is consistent with what I do and say. I pray that we boldly and willingly examine ourselves so we can be as true to what we teach and train as possible, by the boundless grace of God. May we be able to say, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ (1 Corinthians 11.1)".

A Woman's Journey in Ministry

Spring in Town by Grant Wood

This is a great testimony by Alice Hatch, a Mission to the World consultant. She shares her heart as she discovers what true ministry is. I pray that it will enourage you as much as it has encouraged me.


"I grew up in a family of strong women who served God with their lives, supported their husbands in ministry, and raised their children to love and follow God. In their later years, both my grandmothers were Bible teachers with wide ministries of counseling younger women. My mother and her sisters were all missionaries and made important contributions to their fields of service. My mother's cousin was a single missionary with pioneer service in Africa, and I was fascinated by stories of her work. Being a woman in ministry was something I inherited, and something I grew up with the vision of doing. My call to missionary service came early, and I did not question it.

Thus, it caught me completely off guard, after one year on the field, to find myself struggling with what my role in ministry was to be. Nothing in my life fit my stereotype of what a missionary should experience or be doing. Our son, first child, was born shortly after we arrived in Ecuador, and I was glad to be able to stay home with him. One year later, I was pregnant again and I felt trapped.


Because of my facility in Spanish, thanks to being an MK, I was asked to take over an existing evangelistic Bible study for neighborhood women, all much older than I was. I did it, because that is what missionaries do, but I felt hopelessly inadequate. My home was a modern well-equipped place, not the primitive situation my parents had. It embarrassed me. My husband had an 8 to 5 job building transmitters and antennas and was on call whenever the electricity went out, pressured to get the radio back on the air quickly. He was not preaching the gospel in the way I assumed missionaries did. In my confusion and despair, I cycled into a major depression that immobilized me for several months.


Looking back now I understand what was not clear then.


I defined ministry in much too narrow terms. Preaching, teaching, evangelizing...these were ministry. Cooking, bathing babies, changing diapers, homemaking, even building antennas and transmitters...these were not. I found much more peace in my heart when I wholeheartedly accepted the roles of wife, mother, and homemaker as my unique and God-given ministry for that time in my life. To be there with my children and to love them, answering their questions about life and God; to have a peaceful and loving home where my busy husband could retreat and rest; to serve tasty and nourishing meals to my family and our guests; to use my gifts in hospitality to make our home a center for people to gather -- these became extremely meaningful to me once I understood how important they were. Offering them up to God as my service to Him for His glory transformed them from ordinary activities to ministry for Him and to others.

A few years later we lived in the HCJB Guest House, and I was the hostess in charge of running it for all who needed hospitality. Someone asked me for my definition of missionary work. Almost without thinking, I answered, 'Missionary work is being a servant, and right now I am serving the servants of the King.' That year I experienced hard work and much pressure. However, the privilege of having God's chosen servants sitting around our dining room table, as well as the richness of the interaction in our home, was something we treasured. My children still talk about that year with fond memories, though at the time they were only six and seven.

Another thing I came to understand about being a woman in ministry is that we go through stages in our lives. Someone has called it "Seasons." The season I have been describing did not last for more than a few years. When I was in the middle of it, I thought it would last forever. I thought I would never get through a church service without having to leave because of a wriggling or crying child. Now when I sit alone in church, I would enjoy the wriggles of a little one beside me. I thought I would never have the time or energy to plan a Bible study, so say nothing of the mental capacity to give one. One day my children grew up and went away to school. While I still felt it was a priority for me to be there when they got home, I had time to become involved in more traditional roles of ministry. Being a pastor's wife during that time was a new and challenging experience.

I also learned another important lesson as the years went by. God is extremely creative in the gifts He gives His children. I found my greatest fulfillment in using the gifts He had given me and serving Him with them, rather than putting myself into a mold and following another person's model for ministry. I am not a Bible teacher...a shock to someone who assumed that was what a missionary did! I found I was a listener more than a talker. I was good with people and relationships and often could speak with wisdom to a friend's problems. I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes work of organization much more than being up front and forward. I functioned well as a team player, especially with my husband. When I began to value my gifts as the tools God had given me for ministry, I found great fulfillment and challenge.

I was part of a group of six women who for several years met weekly to share our lives and pray for each other. As time went by, we came to know each other's different gifts and to talk of our dreams for ministry. While we were a very diverse group of women, and most of us had young children at home, we encouraged each other's growth in these and other areas. Today we are all ministering with great effectiveness in the very ways we dreamed about and affirmed in one another. We all look back at that affirmation as being a key element in the development of our unique gifts.

One last lesson I understand today in a way I missed years ago is that ministry is not what we do for God, it is who we are. None of our words or our actions speak and minister so clearly as the quality of our characters. I have discovered that the more I have learned to concentrate on my relationship with God rather than on my service to Him, the more effective I have been for Him. There is a paradox here. I have come to realize that it is when I share my weaknesses failures, and even my sinfulness that I minister to others in a more powerful way than when I tell about my victories. It is that long-ago depression which became the foundation for my present counseling ministry. As we share ourselves, growing through our struggles, we also share evidence of the grace of God at work making us whom He desires.

I praise God for the wonderful women in my family who modeled ministry to me. They were women who struggled in many different ways yet saw God at work making them into His image and using them in His service. I have sought throughout my life to work through their examples and find my own place in service. Even in this present season of my life as a woman alone, I am experiencing the good hand of God at work leading and directing me to be His woman in ministry."

Importance

I found a piece of art!

I stumbled upon this little print in my morning internet wanderings. (thanks for the link, ndy!)

I love what the artist says about this piece:

this is a piece i originally did for my part in a group show called 'old school' at uppercase gallery. i was thinking about all of the visually pleasing things i loved about school - textbooks, maps, flashcards, writing tablets...and also about all of the years i spent sitting at a desk during my school careeer daydreaming - and often doodling. the windows are there to remind the viewer of the many things that lay outside the classroom, yet to be discovered.

I think those same things. There are things I love about school- the crispness of brand new books, the line of a sharp pencil, the waxy smell of new crayons, the delight of staying in the borders when coloring a map. I know my kids love these things, too. But, as much as the things, I want my children to love learning- to be curious and questioning and inquisitive and discerning. And I want them to learn that there is a much, more, to learn outside the classroom, "yet to be discovered." They need to discover Creation- both in nature and in humanity. We need to be purposeful in taking the time to observe, and to participate, all for His glory. And that is importance.

"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and all who live in it." Psalm 24:1

Without Clouds

Cloud Study by John Constable

What careful reader of the Bible can fail to see that Adam, and Noah, and Abraham, and Isaac,and Jacob, and Joseph, and Moses, and Samuel--were all men of many sorrows--and that those sorrows chiefly arose out of their own homes!

The plain truth is, that home trials are one of the many means by which God sanctifies and purifies His believing people. These trials are spiritual medicines, which poor fallen human nature absolutely needs.

By them He keeps us humble.

By them He draws us to Himself.

By them He sends us to our Bibles.

By them He teaches us to pray.

By them He shows us our need of Christ.

By them He weans us from the world.

By them He prepares us for "a city which has foundations," in which there will be no disappointments, no tears, and no sin.

The believer looks forward to the final gathering of a perfect family in which there shall be . . . no unsound members,

no defects,

no sin,

no sorrow,

no deaths,

no tears.

Taken from Without Clouds a sermon by JC Ryle.

Cornerstones

From Nancy Wilson, at Femina, August 7, 2008~

"So my point here is that mothers need to raise their daughters to unashamedly know who they are. This gives them a tremendous sense of security. What a blessing and a relief it is to know everything is not up for grabs. When my youngest was a little squirt, we had gone to the doctor for an ear infection or something. We saw one of the physicians we didn’t normally see, and we commented about some of the little drawings that were hanging in the room. The girl drawings were of little houses with smoke coming out the chimneys and flowers in the front yard; the boy drawings were of ships and airplanes, mostly with things shooting out from them. We had laughed at how easy it was to tell the difference. But the physician bristled a little and said something about how the poor kids had been “programmed” to do what was expected of them. How funny! Of course they had been programmed. By a wise and good God! After we got in the car, my daughter said, “She needs to have some kids.” This was not only funny, but very insightful!

Psalm 144:12 has a lovely metaphor for this: “…that our daughters may be as cornerstones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” A cornerstone is, among other things, a significant part of the structure. It bears much weight and has stature and standing. It is foundational. And this cornerstone is in a palace; it is fine polished marble. Women have much significance in the family, in the church, and in the culture. They have a profound role to play. So mothers, give your daughters a good job description. God certainly has."

Amen & amen.

On Wisdom

From John Piper's sermon, July 27, 2008-

Listen to these verses from James 3:13-15:
Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above.

(Piper comments:)
Wisdom is marked by meekness, and freedom from selfish ambition, and freedom from bitter jealousy, and freedom from boasting. In other words, wisdom rises in relationships of meekness and humility and love and servanthood rather than jealousy and selfishness. Wisdom is not a solitary attainment. It is a community or a corporate or a relational attainment. Loners are not wise. Wisdom is given and found and forged in the fires or committed relationships.


I started reading through Proverbs last week, and so, I meditate daily on this idea of wisdom. I have been thinking, yet again, about how to best impress that wisdom on my children. I find such comfort from words like Proverbs 1:23- "Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you; I will make my words known to you." Thank you, Lord, I don't have to figure this out by myself! Thank you Holy Spirit!


Piper reminds me that although wisdom is strength, it is "marked by meekness." That is what I want to impress on my children, too- the importance of "meekness and humility and love and servanthood rather than jealousy and selfishness." Where better to learn that than in the context of family?


A quick rundown of the list from Proverbs 8:1-11 shows us that wisdom is understanding, prudence, noble things, right things, truth, righteousness, straight forward, instruction, desirable.


Lord, keep ME after Your wisdom, keep it close, "on the tablet of my heart," and show me, through Your wisdom, how to model that meekness and humility daily in every relationship you give me.

Filled with the Fullness of God

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21)"

This is my prayer for all of us, as we are about our Kingdom building business in our homes! Oh to be filled with all the fullness of God! What an amazing privilege!